You’re standing on the edge.
You can almost taste the feeling of the cool water against your body.
You want to swim and explore.
You want to look at the coral reef for hours.
You want to be on your own at the edge of the world.
You so badly want to JUMP.
But wait.
Someone or something stops you from leaping into the unknown.
They hold you back physically.
They convince you that its better on top of the mountain.
They tell you about the sharks that live in the sea and the rocks that could split your head wide open
Or they undermine your abilities. “You can’t swim”. “You could never survive a day alone”.
And then lady reality walks in.
You remember you have 3 kids.
You remember you have old parents.
You remember you’re not smart enough.
You remember you don’t have superman powers.
And you grudgingly step back.
The dream is over.
And you’re back on the mountain.
Not scared.
Not happy.
Numb.
But that combined feeling of utter happiness and terror is absolutely addictive.
So every once in a while you go on top and fantasize.
My recent fantasy:
One day, while I’m spending my kazillionth hour on the pc, I come across a website. APPLICATIONS FOR SCHOLARSHIP AT HARVARD. Study literature with all expenses paid. So I write an admission essay about my leap of faith. Harvard people go crazy. They think I’m the next Sylvia plath. Morbid and suicidal. So they ask me to join in foran.
The real clincher is that my parents freak out but they eventually let me go.
Wait wait…wait.
That can’t happen
What happens in real life is
They make me step back.
Reassess the situation.
And manipulate me into changing my mind.
So I’ve stopped coming on the mountains for the last few days.
The more I come, the badly I want to jump
And the more I understand I can’t.
Responsibilities never go away.
They just keep building on top of each other.
Some days its family.
Other days its financial constraints.
And on particulary bad days its religion.
But on truly horrific days its society.
P.S How often have you been on the mountain?
P.P.S What do you fanatsize about?
P.P.p.S What stops you?
p.P.P.S: If you see me there PUSH!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
P.S Why are you so sad?
P.P.S The only thing stopping you is yourself.
P.P.P.S Being the eldest...I take great pleasure in pushing people around!:)
YOU: How often have you been on the mountain?
X-FACTOR: I have been to Pahar Ganj,behind inter board office, a couple of times.
YOU: What do you fanatsize about?
X-FACTOR: On top of the mountain i fantsize about peeing so hard that i can actually see it go down. Other times when i am not on the mountain i fantasize about "the Hilton Twins"
YOU: What stops you?
X-FACTOR: The pathans living on Pahar Ganj and the thought of strong winds blowing my pee in my own face.
YOU: If you see me there PUSH?!
X_FACTOR: I am just a pee-er not a pusher.
Update!!
Post a Comment