One jeans and a man on top please!

I’ve spent a lifetime searching. Searching for the perfect jeans and the perfect man. Believe me they’re just as important. The jeans/man that makes you feel beautiful despite all your flaws and gives you a reason to shake that booty. You’d be surprised they both don’t come easy. Believe me I’ve tried. Countless stores, parties and sometimes on the internet too (Internet shopping not dating)

With jeans they’re either too loose or too tight. With men you either find a drunk lunatic grabbing your friend’s ass when he thinks you’re not looking or a guy who takes you to a bible study on your first date.

And if they fit right then they’re too long or too short. You can get them altered, dyed and hemmed but they’ll never look perfect. They’ll always remind you of their imperfections. Ditto that for men.

I’ve gone so far off the limb that I’ve spent my whole paycheck on one of those expensive diamond studded jeans. They look perfect almost but you keep wondering if you really belong in them. Like, they’re just not your style.

With cheaper flea market versions, no matter what you do, how hard you try they’ll never hit exactly where your heels start and magically tuck in your fabulous 50 pound tush in some magic pocket!

And sometimes you buy a pair that feels just right for a day or two. But just when you swallow a jelly doughnut with a crème center you feel it coming. You know you’ve landed the scariest of them all jeans- the muffintop jeans. The ones that won’t let you free, that’ll bind you forever, tie you up in ropes, follow you around like a stalker jeans.

And then they’re mirages and decoys. They lead you on and lure you in, make you believe, make your heart skip a beat. But once you’ve tried them on and god forbid brought them home you always find out that they just weren’t right!

But when all else fails you go back to your old trusty pair which is slightly tattered, slightly torn slightly faded slightly old from all that waiting and slightly pissed that you keep looking around for the perfect jeans. In their opinion (my jeans are called earl and I have an ability to talk to inanimate objects) the perfect jeans don’t exist, never did and never will.

What do you do? Do you finally let your trusty pair sneak up on you and become your favorite jeans if not perfect? Or do you keep searchin...searching for that lost cause!

So help me circle the correct option! Should I buy into the:

a) Perfect Size 2 jeans with the right color size fit and makes you look like heidi klum

b) the trusty old pair which accepts your unshaved legs and your not-so-cute dimples!

c) the scary spill all over muffintops!